Teachers must sometimes wonder where kids get those great excuses they bring to school.

Well, maybe they're just following the lead of their sports heroes, those fine, upstanding role models. Well, at least the ones accused of cheating.

The latest is New York Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens, now wailing at every opportunity that he has never taken steroids or human growth hormone, contrary to what has been alleged by his personal trainer.

No, says Rocket Roger, those shots in the butt were a painkiller and vitamin B-12. That sounds plausible since all of us take vitamins by injecting them into our rears.

Clemens has bemoaned the fact few are giving him the benefit of the doubt, but that's understandable given the giant list of sports' figures who at first denied, then admitted getting juiced for matches.

And their initial excuses were the stuff of sports legend.

Olympic Canadian snowboarder Ross Rebagliati blamed a positive test for marijuana on being exposed to second-hand smoke during a New Year's Eve Party.

Tennis player Petr Korda blamed his positive drug test on eating too much veal.

Bobsledder Lenny Paul said his positive test was caused by tainted spaghetti Bolognese.

Shotputter blamed his shampoo. Which he said he drank.

Canadian runner Ben Johnson said his water bottle had been spiked.

Italian soccer player Marco Borriello blamed an ointment he used on his penis after his girlfriend had passed on an infection.

Olympic gold medalist Dennis Mitchell said his positive test was the result of drinking four bottles of beer and having sex with his wife four times in one night. USA Track and Field actually accepted that defense, but the International Association of Athletics Federations banned him for two years anyway.

Cuban high jumper Javier Sotomayor blamed his positive cocaine result on the CIA.

And on and on ….

Yes Roger, it will be a tough climb to get people to believe you. But you can do it. Just take a couple more hits of B-12.