At least that’s what we’ve heard for, oh, the past two months from the ever-vigilant media, that early warning system against all horrors insectile. Sure, the initial stories, popping up before the last shard of ice breathed its last, amounted to telling a tense audience that mosquitoes this summer could be bad, or not.

But isn’t it good to be reminded that mosquitoes exist in Manitoba in case anyone has forgotten over the previous six months?

It’s also a seasonal marker, like the gopher seeing its shadow. Once the first mosquito story pokes its head out, we can be assured of six more months of stories, the monotony only interrupted by the occasional scoop about canker worms falling in your hair.

 These are just some of the dispatches of words, audio and video that every day the media masquerade as fresh flashes.
Even as the media bellow about their declining audiences, like some great dinosaur in the grips of the ice age, they more and more underscore their own irrelevance with stories that have all the substance of a reflection.

They continually fill the space available with material less informative than a Twitter tweet, only five times as long. Perhaps it’s because the media have lost so many reporters to cutbacks that old potatoes look more like prime rib every day.

But no, they’re still old potatoes.

News you can set your watch by
Like the mosquito stories, the media specialize in those yearly or monthly stories that get done whether there is any news available or not. The onslaught of mosquitoes or canker worms is crème Brule to Manitoba media, especially when done in advance of anything actually happening. Most of these offerings are weather-related. It may be hot this summer, or not. It may be cold this winter. Or not.

News you can’t use
News You Can Use was the mantra some two decades ago when it was decided by some guru that news audiences wanted more information to help them get through their difficult days. So, we were subjected to traffic reports and time checks and weather reports, especially on TV and radio. And they keep doing these things, like putting up some weather person to point at a map for three minutes to an audience that can get a forecast off their cell phones in two seconds. When traffic is normal you get “traffic reporters” imparting invaluable advice such as “it’s wet out, make sure you have windshield wiper fluid” or “watch out for puddles on the road.” Yes, those quotes are accurate. And “traffic is building on the bridges” as it does every day. And we’ll not doubt keep getting the time until someone invents a portable device that allows us to see the time whenever we want.

Something’s going to happen
Too much of news is really nothing more than the startling revelation that something is going to happen. It may or may not be important or unusual or interesting, but we know it’s going to happen. CBC reports on the fact that Tiger Woods is about to speak for the first time. A politician is going to hold a news conference. The sun will rise near dawn and is expected to disappear later in the day.

The latest rumour about the NHL returning to Winnipeg
Give it a rest, already.

Know-nothing interviews
Many times the media, faced with real news, is actually at a loss as to finding somebody to interview. Sometimes this happens when most people with knowledge agree and the reporter is in need of a contrary voice. Or sometimes it’s an issue about which nobody with a functioning cortex wants to comment. Enter, the “person on the street.” The media do love cornering poor schmos and asking them to comment on complex topics. When they’re really lazy, they just ask people who don’t know anything to call in and voice their opinions. Add to that, “the local angle,” something that really exists about five per cent of the time its unearthed. When a major event occurs in a faraway land, find somebody locally who lived there 25 years ago and get their opinion. Or, in a clever twist, find a local person visiting that country and interview them even if they’re thousands of miles from the event. Yes, the world becomes very small when you’re pretending to cover the news.

And compared to the whole universe, well ….
The CEO of BP, Tony Hayward, told the Guardian newspaper that the undersea oil gusher his company created is really no big deal.

"The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume."

But huge, compared with some people’s capacity for intelligence or compassion.

Even Better Than The Real Thing
Last month the Globe and Mail anointed its first guest editors, U2’s lead vocalist Bono (known to his mother as Paul Hewson) and Bob Geldof, activist and former lead singer with the Boomtown Rats. The two were helping put together the Globe’s all-Africa edition as a lead-up to this month’s G8/G20 conference.

In other news, African leaders gathered in Nairobi to write the lyrics for U2’s next album.

Keeping the World Safe …  for Terrorists
Despite the attempted bombing in New York’s Times Square, members of the U.S. Congress turned back attempts to ban people on the terrorist watch list from buying guns or explosives.

U.S. law cites some reasons to block people from buying guns or explosives, but being a "known or reasonably suspected of being involved in terrorist activity" isn't one of them.

According to the Huffington Post, in the past six years individuals on the terrorist watchlist were involved in firearm or explosives background checks 1,228 times in the past six years -- and 1,119 of those transactions were allowed to proceed. Less than 10 percent -- only 109 -- were denied. Three of those matches involved the purchase of explosives, and all of those sales were allowed to proceed.

Keeping the World Safe … From Sinners
A majority of lawmakers in Louisiana voted in favor of a measure to allow people to carry concealed weapons into places of worship. While the supported by a vote of 45-39, the law needed eight more votes to pass. Supporters say they will bring it back to protect innocent worshippers from criminals. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Keeping the World Safe … From Books
One country doesn’t worry too much about banning dangerous products.

The International Tehran Book Fair, one of the largest cultural events in the Middle East, banned numerous books from being displayed. Titles included  Power, Islam and the Political Elite in Iran and Zen, Mind, Beginner's Mind. 

Also kicked to the curb were books acknowledging the Holocaust, books about meditation and Zen therapy, books about the Baha'i faith and anything that described Iran as a supporter of terrorism and Hamas as a terrorist group.

Grin And Bear It
Teachers at a school in Britain have been ordered to smile at students at the beginning of each lesson.
Teaching staff at Buile Hill visual arts college have also been given orders to not make pupils feel "bored" by setting work that is too difficult or too easy, the Daily Telegraph reported. The orders were handed to teachers as part of a program to give students more say in the way the school is run.

Apparently, this one’s no joke
Blonde-haired women,  often stereotyped as dumb, earn seven per cent more than women with hair of other colours, according to a recent study. And they also marry men who earn an average of six per cent more than the husbands of other women. The study in the journal Economics Letters reported that having blonde hair boosts pay by $2,400 a year for a woman earning $33,000 a year – the average salary in Britain. The researchers say that the survey of 13,000 women showed that the difference in pay remained the same even when other factors such as height, weight and education were removed. No other hair colour produced similar results.